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Showering. (Ladies and Men). The Truths.


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How to Shower Like a Lady:

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  • Take off clothing, and place it in sectoned laundry hamper, according to lights and darks.
  • Walk to bathroom wearing very long robe.
  • If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
  • Once there, look at your womanly physique in the mirror and make mental note of areas that may need "touch-up"
  • Get in shower and use (in order), Wash cloth, Long loofa, Wide loofa, and Pumice stone.
  • Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo (with 43 added vitamins).
  • Re-wash hair, to make sure it is clean, with "plain aloe" shampoo.
  • Condition your hair with grapefruit / mint conditioner, and leave it in.
  • Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes, until lightly pink.
  • Slowly wash the rest of your body with ginger nut, and Jaffa cake body wash.
  • Rinse conditioner off hair, shave armpits and legs (and any other areas needed)
  • Fully rinse off, and turn off shower.
  • Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower and spray any mould spots with "Tilex "..
  • Get out of shower and dry with towel the size of a small country.
  • Wrap hair in super absorbent towel
  • Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head
  • If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas

 

How To shower Like a Real Man..

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  • Take off clothes (while sitting on either side of bed), and just throw them in a pile.
  • Walk naked to the bathroom.
  • If you see wife along the way, shake ("your best friend") at her, while making woo-woo sound
  • Look at your "manly physique" in the mirror, and admire the size of your ("best friend") and scratch your butt.
  • Get in the shower, then wash your face and armpits.
  • Blow your nose in your hands, and let the water rinse them off.
  • Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower, while checking for any "follow through". (Rinse if required).
  • Spend majority of time washing "privates" and surrounding area.
  • Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt and other privates hairs stuck in the soap
  • Make a spiked "Shampoo Tomahawk" (if you have hair) or pretend to (like Prince Charles and me).
  • Rinse off and pee (to save time later) then get out of shower, and partially dry off.
  • Fail to notice water on floor, as shower curtain was hanging over the edge all of the time.
  • Admire the size of your "best friend" in the mirror even after a cool shower.
  • Leave shower curtain open, Wet bath-mat on floor, Light and Fan all still on, and return to bedroom with loose towel around waist.
  • If you pass your wife, drop the towel, shake ("your best friend") at her, and repeat woo-woo sound again.
  • Throw wet towel on bed, and get dressed (half clean clothes and half what you took off).

If there is anyone who did not laugh at the "truths" behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you....

 

My View of it -

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