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noknojon

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noknojon last won the day on January 20 2023

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  1. I'm still alive (according to my cardiologist), so time to be a repeat offender. On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And God saw it was good. On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God, again saw it was good. On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed it was good. On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But the human protested and said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it." So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me, I will be on the front porch, with only a few of the last years left to be a grumpy old pain... My e-scooter arrives in 2 days, so I am cutting things closer to the edge 🛴
  2. To end at this time, I followed the link above which is genuine, but they had no record of me owing a fee? Thanks All.
  3. Rather than EDIT, your result also returns Linkt (Transportation) This is where I need to pay my fines / fees. https://www.linkt.com.au/about-us Just looks it may be used by other sites also, or bitly redirects it.
  4. .Thanks again, In the interests of safety, I may just contact them (Tolls) from here to be sure. 🙂 The initials "JL" directed it to me specifically so when I got all of the reaction, I took the best way and checked. Bitly makes it hard at times to get direct results. Tip: Put a + at the end of the bitly url and you often get a quick url result.
  5. Porthos Thanks, I do understand that Bitly is used by crooks to install bad things, but is there just a chance of bad advertising or "Geographic Region: North America" means it is a fake, or just redirects back to bitly? The times / dates relate to when I drove home, and I will incur a large penalty if there is a fee owing and it is not paid on time.
  6. MBAM blocks the following, that I believe is our Melbourne Aust Freeway Tolls. I attempted to pay a known overdue fee as I just purchased a BMW and drove it home. (Officially a snob now).🙂 https://bit.ly/3Q1JLme Thank You.
  7. @Badran Can you check Settings > Update and Security and look at Windows Updates then click on Delivery Optimization directly below (on left side menu).
  8. And now for something a bit lighter 🙂 Thirty-five "reported" Quotes of Steven Wright: 😎 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel 'Peace' Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met. 12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark? 13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. 18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now. 19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good. 20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." 24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name 25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. 33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film. 34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
  9. Not sure of a title, but it may just be "The Taxi Driver Who Cared Enough," and yes, I shed a tear for my old mother. This is not just jokes, but also "Tailwaggers". Move to General Chat if it is too heavy. I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware. 'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm, and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.' 'Oh, you're such a good boy,’ she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?' 'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly... 'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.’ I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice.. ‘The doctor says I don't have very long.' .... I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. 'What route would you like me to take?' I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing. As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'. We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair. 'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse. 'Nothing,' I said. 'You have to make a living,' she answered. 'There are other passengers,' I responded. Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. 'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.' I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.. I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one. PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID ~BUT~ THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL. At the bottom of this great story was a request to forward this - I deleted that request because if you have read to this point, you won't have to be asked to pass it along you just will... I am going to visit my 96year old mother next month, not because of this tale but I had already planned to drive the 400kms in my old bomb of a car, unless I can borrow a decent one. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance. 💝 😢
  10. Nobody hit me for my last joke, so I'm willing to post an oldie but a goodie ! An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wan'na hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, do you still wan'na tell that blonde joke?' The blind Marine thinks for a few seconds, shakes his head and mutters, < < < < 'No... not if I'm gon'na have to explain it five times.'
  11. We all have a reason to cry. (Just so you know I am still alive)... When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He told me, 'I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.' I continued, 'Well, then why are you crying?' He added, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.' I said, 'Well, why are you crying?' He said, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.' I inquired again, "Well then, why in the world would you be crying?" < < < < He replied, 'I can't remember where I live.' 🙄
  12. The New Talking Brass Clock, Paddy takes some mates from the pub to break in his new home with him. After they consume more beers than they should Mick turns to Paddy and asks, "Hoi Paddy, what's that big brass gong on your wall for?" Paddy replies "Dat's me Big Brass Talking Clock." All the boys start laughing and start saying things like "There's no numbers on it so how can it work?" or "There's no dials, so how do you tell the time?" Paddy just laughed at them and replied, "Well it looks like I need to show you the secret." With that he picked up an empty bottle and threw it very hard at the gong ! < < < A voice from 'next door' howls out .. "For crying out loud don't you know it's Twenty to Three in the morning!!" And that is the secret of the Talking Brass Gong Clock ......
  13. After 10 years your mind wanders ........... An Irishman on a deserted island for over 10 years, sees a speck on the horizon drifting his way. What emerged from the surf was wet-suited black clad figure. After taking some of the scuba off, there stood a gorgeous blond! The blond strides up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman. She unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "Christ," says the man, " I'd forgotten how great a smoke can be!" "And how long has it been since you've had a drop of whiskey" asked the blonde. Gob smacked, the castaway replied, "Ten years." The blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a pocket and hands him a flask. He has a long drink. "Magic, truly fantastic!!!" says the Irishman. At this point the gorgeous blond started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. Smiling she looks at the trembling man and asks: "Now, how long has it been since you played around???" With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed; < < < "Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!!!"
  14. Thank you, David, That makes it a bit clearer for me, and I can pass these problems on to clients and friends of mine who are never sure. I still have a few clients who have followed me since XP days, and I hope they stay for a few more years. J.
  15. OK David The video (I believe one of the above) where you show that the end script is 'padding' for a longer script with many 00000000 lines after the main code. You are led to believe it is a larger File that when you click Properties it shows the thumb attached. This is why I say I Deep Scan at times with ESET.
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