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noknojon

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noknojon last won the day on July 24

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  1. Bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. “I’d like some raisin bread please,” the man says. The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought. When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves. As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what’s going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread. After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, “why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?” Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd. Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, “Is it raisin for you too?” “No,” stammers the old man, “but it’s quivering a little..”
  2. THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS: 1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax." 2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food." 3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish." 4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price." 5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room." 6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow." 7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned." 8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared." 9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers." 10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." 11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun." 12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair." 13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom suite, and ours was significantly smaller." 14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service." 15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners." 16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning." 17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel." 18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes." 19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
  3. Fred is 32 years old and he is still single: One day a friend asked. "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Fred replied. "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them," His friend thinks for a moment and says. "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother!" A few months later they meet again and his friend says. "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Fred answers. "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said. "Then what's the problem?" Fred replied. "My father doesn't like her!"
  4. Not enough "petals" on that leaf ..
  5. Went through Autoruns (I know some don't like it, but I do), also a session with REVO and found some leftovers.. SFC has run twice without fault, but until I upgrade RAM I will not re-do DISM as it can be a "space" thing 🙂 ..
  6. Ran a SFC/SCANNOW without any problems , but it lagged and stopped during a DISM/ONLINE/Health scan @ 57.0% .. No problems with the 3 main forums that I log into (here included) and ebay / and similar sites .. Trouble is it is a Toshiba Satellite and they came with too many pre-installed items that I needed to remove ..
  7. I currently run the upgrade on 4GB RAM, but it is a bit slow.. I have a topic in Bleep Comp Win10 where jenae is helping me get rid of extras.. Next I will get a bit extra RAM in the "old machine" and things will improve greatly .. 4GB is minimal, 6GB is ideal and 8GB is PLENTY ....... Mine runs without problems, plays games, and runs on the Wi-Fi.... (I can even watch "p@^n" without problems) .. ------ You guys should try these things sometimes ---------- Not watching "P", but upgrading smaller systems ........
  8. My Windows7 laptop was not being used as it was outdated and needed upgrading to get decent updates.. So I found this on cnet and followed it, and it was great .. First visit the link below and most advice is the same as listed here .. It is genuine, and treated as "if you missed the upgrade, here it is" https://www.cnet.com/how-to/how-to-download-windows-10-for-free-now-that-windows-7-is-dead/ Windows 10 free download: How to get the upgrade now Microsoft no longer supports Windows 7. If you haven't upgraded to Windows 10 yet, follow these simple steps now. Here's how to get Windows 10 for free, if you're currently running a licensed and activated copy of Windows 7, Windows 8 or Windows 8.1 Home or Pro: Plus all the required updates.. Follow the onsite directions, which are basically the same as listed here, but may include a bit more detail .. 1. Go to the >> Download Windows 10 website << Linked on the site, and includes a Q & A area 2. Under Create Windows 10 installation media, click Download tool now and Run. 3. Choose Upgrade this PC now, assuming this is the only PC you're upgrading. (If you're upgrading a different machine, choose Create installation media for another PC, and save the installation files.) 4. Follow the prompts. 5. When the upgrade is complete, go to Settings Update & Security > Activation, and you should see a digital license for Windows 10. Disable any free 3rd party A/Virus, and while in Settings > Security, make sure Defender is activated.. Keep any Paid A/Virus, but remove other Free versions (Defender will look after you just as good).. If your system has 6 G of RAM this will be plenty to run Windows 10 ..
  9. The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $10" The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $100 please use the ATM.” When the old lady wanted to know why ... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line of customers behind you.” The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the teller and said , “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, you have $300,000 in your account and the bank doesn't have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow? The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to $3000 "Well, please let me have $3000 now", and the teller then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her Then the old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account. So the moral of this short tale is quite simple ....... Don't try to be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills and always have a few extra seconds to spare ...
  10. HOW TO GET RID OF TELEMARKETERS........ (not just the Asian ones, like I get). 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . ” 3. If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. 4. (This works great if you are male, but is "sexist") Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Judy and I’m with XYZ Company. ” You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, “ What are you wearing ?” 5. (Alternate, or include with #4.) Cry out in surprise, “Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from. 6. Say “No” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up. 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends, would you be my friend?” 8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: “Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?” 9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can’t just give your credit card number to a complete stranger. 10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate. 11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, “OH MY GOD!” and then hang up. 12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, “Well I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right ?” The Telemarketer will agree and you say, “Me either!” and proceed to hang up. 13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times. 14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold for a moment. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended. 15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer... This works better if they are female and you're male .. 16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number. 17. (Can be included with #4) Tell the Telemarketer, “Okay, I’ll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.” 18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.... “Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?” 19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up… louder … louder ! 20. Tell them to talk very s l o w l y , because you want to write every word down, or you will forget what they say, and repeat any offers twice ..
  11. I hope this is still politically correct .. While I seem to be on a win .. This is from the lovely Kimberly 👸 ..
  12. I think I have your turkey bit sorted now . . But what are pumpkins for, to absorb the wine ??
  13. I was moved by this, so I wanted to share it with all of you (my friends) From a grocery store manager: I manage a grocery store. Here's some things everyone should know: 1. I don't have toilet paper 2. I don't have sanitizer 3. I run out of milk, eggs and meat daily 4. I promise if it's out on the shelf ... it's not in a hidden corner of our back room.. Those are the predictable ones, now for the real stuff: 5. I have been doing this for 25 years I did not forget how to order product 6. I did not cause the warehouse to be out of product 7. I schedule as much help as I have, including many TMs (checkout chicks) working TONS of overtime to help YOU 8. I am sorry if there are lines at the check out lanes Now for the really important stuff : 9. My team puts themselves in harm's way everyday so you can buy groceries 10. My team works tirelessly to get product on the floor for you to buy 11. My team is exhausted 12. My team is scared they may be getting sick 13. My team is human and do not possess an antivirus... they are in just as much danger as you are. (Arguably more) But they show up to work everyday just so you can buy groceries 14. My team is tired (very tired) 15. My team is very under appreciated 16. My team is exposed to more people who are potentially infected in one hour than most of you will in a week (medical community excluded, thank you for all that you do!) 17. My team is abused all day by customers who have no idea how ignorant they are 18. My team disinfects every surface possible, everyday, just so you can come in grab a wipe from the dispenser, wipe the handle and throw the used wipe in the cart or on the ground and leave it there... so my team can throw it in the trash for you later 19. My team wonders if you wash your re-usable bags, that you force us to touch, that are clearly dirty and have more germs on them than our shopping carts do 20. My team more than earns their breaks, lunches and days off. And if that means you wait longer I am sorry. The last thing I will say is this: The next time you are in a grocery store, please pause and think about what you are saying and how you are treating the people you encounter. They are the reason you are able to buy toilet paper, sanitizer, milk, eggs and meat. If the store you go to is out of an item.. maybe find the neighbor or friend that bought enough for a year ... there are hundreds of them... and ask them to spare 1 or 2. They caused the problem to begin with... NOT ME And lastly, please THANK 💖 the people who helped you. They don't have to come to work, but they do to support their families, and to help you ! !
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