noknojon
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Posts posted by noknojon
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The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $10"The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $100 please use the ATM.”When the old lady wanted to know why ...The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line of customers behind you.”The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the teller and said , “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, you have $300,000 in your account and the bank doesn't have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.The teller told her any amount up to $3000"Well, please let me have $3000 now", and the teller then handed it very friendly and respectfully to herThen the old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.So the moral of this short tale is quite simple .......Don't try to be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills and always have a few extra seconds to spare ...
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HOW TO GET RID OF TELEMARKETERS........ (not just the Asian ones, like I get).
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . ”
3. If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. (This works great if you are male, but is "sexist") Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Judy and I’m with XYZ Company. ” You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, “ What are you wearing ?”
5. (Alternate, or include with #4.) Cry out in surprise, “Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say “No” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends, would you be my friend?”
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: “Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?”
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can’t just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, “OH MY GOD!” and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, “Well I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right ?” The Telemarketer will agree and you say, “Me either!” and proceed to hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold for a moment. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer... This works better if they are female and you're male ..
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. (Can be included with #4) Tell the Telemarketer, “Okay, I’ll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.”
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.... “Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up… louder … louder !
20. Tell them to talk very s l o w l y , because you want to write every word down, or you will forget what they say, and repeat any offers twice .. -
I hope this is still politically correct .. While I seem to be on a win .. This is from the lovely Kimberly 👸 ..
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I think I have your turkey bit sorted now . . But what are pumpkins for, to absorb the wine ??
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I was moved by this, so I wanted to share it with all of you (my friends)From a grocery store manager:I manage a grocery store.Here's some things everyone should know:1. I don't have toilet paper2. I don't have sanitizer3. I run out of milk, eggs and meat daily4. I promise if it's out on the shelf ... it's not in a hidden corner of our back room..Those are the predictable ones, now for the real stuff:5. I have been doing this for 25 years I did not forget how to order product6. I did not cause the warehouse to be out of product7. I schedule as much help as I have, including many TMs (checkout chicks) working TONS of overtime to help YOU8. I am sorry if there are lines at the check out lanesNow for the really important stuff :9. My team puts themselves in harm's way everyday so you can buy groceries10. My team works tirelessly to get product on the floor for you to buy11. My team is exhausted12. My team is scared they may be getting sick13. My team is human and do not possess an antivirus... they are in just as much danger as you are. (Arguably more) But they show up to work everyday just so you can buy groceries14. My team is tired (very tired)15. My team is very under appreciated16. My team is exposed to more people who are potentially infected in one hour than most of you will in a week (medical community excluded, thank you for all that you do!)17. My team is abused all day by customers who have no idea how ignorant they are18. My team disinfects every surface possible, everyday, just so you can come in grab a wipe from the dispenser, wipe the handle and throw the used wipe in the cart or on the ground and leave it there... so my team can throw it in the trash for you later19. My team wonders if you wash your re-usable bags, that you force us to touch, that are clearly dirty and have more germs on them than our shopping carts do20. My team more than earns their breaks, lunches and days off. And if that means you wait longer I am sorry.The last thing I will say is this:The next time you are in a grocery store, please pause and think about what you are saying and how you are treating the people you encounter.They are the reason you are able to buy toilet paper, sanitizer, milk, eggs and meat.If the store you go to is out of an item.. maybe find the neighbor or friend that bought enough for a year ... there are hundreds of them... and ask them to spare 1 or 2.They caused the problem to begin with... NOT MEAnd lastly, please THANK 💖 the people who helped you. They don't have to come to work, but they do to support their families, and to help you ! !
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Thanks P ..
I have been able to add a M/bytes icon now
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Hi,
Since I finally upgraded to Win 10 (Win 8.1 machine was making very odd noises), I have found the process of Right click > Add to Desktop , or similar is 'harder'..In many options this is not even available and I need to Google it, or the best I can do is Add to Bookmarks ...
Is this only because I use F/Fox more often (proven to be faster) but even M/soft Edge will not help me !!
Just frustrating, and F/Fox seems to have updated in this month so their main login page has changed also..
Slip this to another section if you want, but others may have similar problems so I chose here ..
Thanks ..
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Do I Need Sensitivity Training?
1) I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
2) The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 21, and her name's 'Debbie.'
3) Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 80 . It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
4) My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
5) The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
6) A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the dishes are piling up!"
7) I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow . I said, "You obviously haven't been listening." Then the fight started.
😎 My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
9) The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
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Software and Hardware Problems Upgrading from Girlfriend application Wife issues;
Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving few system resources for other applications.
He is also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable resources.
No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product documentation, though other users have informed me that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity.
Some applications such as PokerNite 10.3 , Bachelor Party 2.5, and Pubnite 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all, causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps worked fine before).
....... Wife 1.0 provides no installation options.
Thus, the installation of undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law Beta is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:
- A "don't remind me again" button.
- Minimize button.
- Ability to delete the "headache" file
- An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0 version without loss of other system resources.
- An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode" allowing the the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more useful/effective.
- A "don't remind me again" button.
I decided continue using Girlfriend 3.0
Even here, however, I have found many problems.
Installation of Girlfriend 4.0 on top of Girlfriend 3.0. fails.
You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first, otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port.
Other users have told me that this is a long-standing problem
To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.
Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0!-
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On 6/13/2020 at 4:50 PM, pondus said:
Nope, i found it at work, somone printed it out and put it on the wall, but assumed they found it somewhere in the universe
Just making a joke .. Not being nasty 🙂 ..
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Hi All, Yes I have survived (so far) ,
I have not posted for a while during the Lock-down, but here is one for you ...
Not to put my business out there, but COVID-19 has financially affected my family and I'm needing to make some extra money on the side ....
you know me .... I gotta hustle so if you can help me out that'd be great !!! .....
I am now proud to announce that I am selling ADULT TOYS ..... I hope no one is embarrassed to ask for them ....I have all kinds, sizes and styles according to your needs .... DISCRETION IS GUARANTEED !!!!
I am more than willing and able to demonstrate almost any of the items for you ..... Don't be embarrassed or hesitate to ask for your demonstration anytime .....
I have everything listed below/
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,,, walkers
... wheelchairs
... oxygen tanks
... disposable diapers
... teeth glue
... and so much more !!!!enjoy a smile ..... hahaha 🤪😀 ..
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On 3/8/2020 at 9:56 PM, noknojon said:
Who requires you to install the program, is it a Company policy or do you just wish to find a Personal version ?...
@Thomas .. I did ask that in my first reply, #3 , but had no response to the question ...
It is not malware as shown in the Virus Total Scan , but it is not a "free program" . You must Register and Purchase to get the program installed .This "Registering" and request for "Payment" is enough to point to unwanted software if the process is not followed .. (In my opinion)
I fully tested it for a free version, but none was available .. Then I scanned with Malwarebytes and looked for small items with Malwarebytes AdwCleaner ..
P.S. The software zip. should compress to less than 58.5 Mbytes, as in Accepted file types ..
Regards.. -
You are welcome to any help we can provide ..
Tell your friends and family about the program, and that we provide free help for our users 🤠 ..
Regards noknojon
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1 hour ago, C_Hoff said:
they require me to install
Hi C_Hoff and welcome..
Who requires you to install the program, is it a Company policy or do you just wish to find a Personal version ...
The links do not show malware when I checked them using your link in Google search ( http://wrapr.com ) ..
It showed that to use it you need to purchase the program to fully use it .. I could not find a free version of the program ..
I used the link that shows their "Facebook page" and that tells you what the program will do, and lists how to purchase it ..Thank You ..
EDIT for Virus Total Scan = Result .. No engines detected this URL 0 / 71 based on "http://wrapr.com"
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A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in an Arkansas licensed Rolls Royce at a traffic light.
Their windows are open and the Texan yells at the guy in the Rolls
"Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?"
The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do!"
"I got one too. See?" the Texan says.
"Uh huh, yes, that's very nice."
"You got a fax machine?" asks the Texan in the VW..
"Why, actually, yes, I do." Replies the man from Arkansas
"I do too! See? It's right here!" brags the Texan.
The light is just about to turn green and the Texan in the Volkswagen says,
"So, do you have a double bed in the back ?"
The guy in the Rolls replies, "No! Do you ?"
"Yep, got my double bed right back here," the Texan replies.
The light turns green and the Texan in the Volkswagen takes off.Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in the back of his car.
About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Volkswagen Beetle with the Texas plates.
Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.
The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels somewhat awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen.
The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.The guy with the Rolls says, "Hey, remember me?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember you," replies the Texan. "What's up ?"
"Check this out! I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."
The Texan exclaims, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that ?! -
Number 1 ..
Ray came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke at what looked like the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said. 'You died in your sleep, Ray."
Ray was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"
St. Peter said. "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back and that is as a chicken".
Ray was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?"
"Not bad,." Replied Ray the hen. 'But I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"
"You're ovulating." Explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never." Said Ray.
"Well, just relax and let it happen." Says the rooster. "It's no big deal."
He did and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg - His joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Ray, wake up! You S**T the bed, Twice Already !"
Number 2 ...
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"Ex President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to their house now."
And off they go. At the the new house, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,
"Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?" -
Here is your history of "recent" events ..
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Love that lot sman ..
Very hard to copy and save without going to below 80% page size, unless you have a very large screen monitor, or please tell me your tricks.. 🤩
Just one more (not Texas) that I missed posting last time ..
>>>>> A little 10 year old girl was waking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a big black motorcycle pulls up beside her . 🏍️
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After then following her along for a short while, he turns to her and asks.
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"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride with me ?"
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"NO" is the stern reply from the little girl 👧, as she keeps walking straight ahead ..
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The motorcyclist pulls up beside her and asks ..
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"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
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"NO!" says the little girl again, as she hurries down the street.
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The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again, and says,
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"Okay kid, my last offer is $20 'and a Big Bag of Candy' if you will just jump on the back of my bike, and we go for a ride".
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Finally the little girl stops, turns towards him and she Screams Out .....
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"Look Dad, You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley .. YOU RIDE IT !" -
Texas Sheriff's Exam...
A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman.
He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.
When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.
After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview.
The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call,
an "Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted.
We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."
Then, sliding a service pistol, and a box of ammo, across the desk, the Chief said,
"Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six ambulance-chasing lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six unneeded Politicians, and a Rabbit."
"Why the rabbit ?" queried the applicant.
"You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"
I LOVE TEXAS ! ❤️
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It's that time..
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THIS ONE’S FOR THE BOYS!!!-
RULES TO TEACH YOUR SON
1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.
2. Don’t enter a pool by the stairs.
3. The man at the BBQ Grill is the closest thing to a king.
4. In a negotiation, Never make the first offer.
5. Request the late check-out, if available.
6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
7. Hold your heroes to a higher standard.
8. Always return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.
9. Play with passion or don’t play at all…
10. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look them in the eye.
11. Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
12. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
13. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.
14. You marry the girl, you marry her family.
15. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like crazy underneath.
16. Experience the serenity of traveling alone.
17. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room, you may be surprised.
18. Never turn down a breath mint.
19. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.
20. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.
21. Thank a veteran. Then make it up to him.
22. Eat lunch with the new kid.
23. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.
24. Ask your mom to play. She won’t let you win.
25. Manners maketh the man.
26. Give credit. Take the blame.
27. Stand up to Bullies. Protect those who are bullied.
28. Write down your dreams, and never tear them up until you succeed.
29. Take time to snuggle your pets, they love you so much and are always happy to see you.
30. Be confident and humble at the same time.
31. If ever in doubt, remember whose son you are and REFUSE to just be ordinary !
32. In all things lead by example, not explanation.Thanks to a wise man for these.....
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Some lexicology for David...
You think English is easy? 📖
1./ The bandage was wound around the wound.
2./ The farm was used to produce produce .
3./ The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse .
4./ We must polish the Polish furniture.
5./ He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6./ The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7./ Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8./ A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9./ When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10./ I did not object to the object.
11./ The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12./ There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13./ They were too close to the door to close it.
14./ The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15./ A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16./ To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17./ The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18./ Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19./ I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20./ How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? -
There are so many fake sites that are listed that you must follow procedures :
Phnom Penh | Facebook IDEA Plus Communications, Skopje, Macedonia. Idea Plus Software is a Software Development company based in Jalandhar. IDEA-plus-communications-skopje E-ideaplus – Ads in Bangladesh[code]
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Thank You
Many are unaware that Windows10 is still free
in General Chat
Posted
My Windows7 laptop was not being used as it was outdated and needed upgrading to get decent updates.. So I found this on cnet and followed it, and it was great ..
First visit the link below and most advice is the same as listed here .. It is genuine, and treated as "if you missed the upgrade, here it is"
https://www.cnet.com/how-to/how-to-download-windows-10-for-free-now-that-windows-7-is-dead/
Windows 10 free download: How to get the upgrade now
Microsoft no longer supports Windows 7. If you haven't upgraded to Windows 10 yet, follow these simple steps now.
Here's how to get Windows 10 for free, if you're currently running a licensed and activated copy of Windows 7, Windows 8 or Windows 8.1 Home or Pro: Plus all the required updates..
Follow the onsite directions, which are basically the same as listed here, but may include a bit more detail ..
1. Go to the >> Download Windows 10 website << Linked on the site, and includes a Q & A area
2. Under Create Windows 10 installation media, click Download tool now and Run.
3. Choose Upgrade this PC now, assuming this is the only PC you're upgrading. (If you're upgrading a different machine, choose Create installation media for another PC, and save the installation files.)
4. Follow the prompts.
5. When the upgrade is complete, go to Settings Update & Security > Activation, and you should see a digital license for Windows 10.
Disable any free 3rd party A/Virus, and while in Settings > Security, make sure Defender is activated.. Keep any Paid A/Virus, but remove other Free versions (Defender will look after you just as good)..
If your system has 6 G of RAM this will be plenty to run Windows 10 ..