dipper6 Posted December 4, 2009 ID:166071 Share Posted December 4, 2009 Man wakes up in Hospital ------------------------------------- A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctorcomes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now youprobably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything,but.......your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurancecompensation coming and we now have the technology to build a newpenis. They work great, but they don't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch.The man perks up."So," the doctor says, "you must decide how many inches you want.But, this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you hada five-incher before and get a nine-incher now, she might be a bit putout.. On the other hand, if you had a nine-incher before and youdecide to only invest in a five-incher now, she might be disappointed.It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back thenext day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?" "Yes I have," says the man.."And has she helped you make a decision?""Yes" says the man. "What is your decision?" asks the doctor."We're getting granite counter-tops........" Link to post
dipper6 Posted December 4, 2009 Author ID:166072 Share Posted December 4, 2009 RESTROOM SIGNS 1--------------------------------Friends don't let friendstake home ugly men.Women's restroomStarboard, Dewey Beach, DEBeauty is only a light switch away.Perkins Library,Duke University, Durham , NCIf life is a waste of timeand time is a waste of life,then let's all get wasted togetherand have the time of our lives.Armand's Pizza, Washington , DCFighting for peace is likescrewing for virginity.The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LONo matter how good she looks,some other guy is sick and tiredof putting up with her stuff.Men's RoomLinda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC Link to post
dipper6 Posted December 4, 2009 Author ID:166073 Share Posted December 4, 2009 At the feast of egoeveryone leaves hungry.Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson , AZIt's hard to make a comebackwhen you haven't been anywhere.Written in the dust on the back of a bus,Wickenburg , AZMake love, not war.Hell, do both -GET MARRIED!Women's restroomThe Filling Station, Bozeman , MTIf voting could really change things,it would be illegal.Revolution BooksNew York, New YorkIf pro is opposite of con,then what is the opposite of progress?Congress!Men's restroom House of Representatives,Washington, DCExpress Lane - Five Beers or LessSign over a UrinalEd Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ Link to post
dipper6 Posted December 4, 2009 Author ID:166074 Share Posted December 4, 2009 You're too good for him.Sign over mirror in Women's restroomEd Debevic's, Beverly Hill's, CANo wonder you always go home alone.Sign over mirror in Men's restroomEd Debevic's, Beverly Hill's, CA~~~ and perhaps the most realistic one ~~~A Woman's Rule of Thumb:if it has tires or testicles,you're going to have trouble with it.Women's restroomDick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX Link to post
dipper6 Posted December 4, 2009 Author ID:166075 Share Posted December 4, 2009 ROMANCE MATHEMATICSSmart man + smart woman = romanceSmart man + dumb woman = affairDumb man + smart woman = marriageDumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy______________________________SHOPPING MATHA man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need._____________________________GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICSA woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man._____________________________HAPPINESSTo be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. Link to post
dipper6 Posted December 4, 2009 Author ID:166076 Share Posted December 4, 2009 LONGEVITYMarried men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.______________________________PROPENSITY TO CHANGEA woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does._____________________________DISCUSSION TECHNIQUEA woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.______________________________________HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIEDOld aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. Link to post
noknojon Posted December 5, 2009 ID:166555 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Granite counter tops - Some can relate to that - Link to post
mountaintree16 Posted December 5, 2009 ID:166777 Share Posted December 5, 2009 "We're getting granite counter-tops........" Poor guy Link to post
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