Jump to content


Honorary Members
  • Posts

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by srtools1980y

  1. Hello & welcome Please pm the link/s to one of the moderators.They will take care.
  2. Link: http://www.raymond.cc/blog/archives/2010/0...st-jpg-exploit/
  3. WinPatrol Supports Unemployed Job Seekers Link: http://billpstudios.blogspot.com/
  4. Fax Technology An american, an englishmen and a paki were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The american pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rang. The englishmen lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The paki felt decidedly low-tech. So as not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his ass The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! Whats that?" "I'm getting a fax," he explains.
  5. Our Morning Prayer . . . Our Hard Drive Which art internal Volume C by name; Thy code be clean, Thy fonts be seen On screen as they are on paper. Give us this day our documents, And lead us not into fragmentation But deliver us our data. For thine is the SCSI, And the EISA, and the NuBus, Forever and Ever, Amen.
  6. Farmers: LOG ON: Making the wood stove hotter LOG OFF: Don`t add wood MONITOR : Keep an eye on the wood stove MEGAHERTZ: When a big log drops on your barefoot in the morning FLOPPY DISK : What you get from piling too much wood RAM: The hydraulic thing that makes the wood splitter work DRIVE: Getting home during most of the winter PROMPT: What you wish the mail was during the snow season ENTER: Come on in WINDOWS: What you shut when it gets cold SCREEN: What is a must during black fly season CHIP: What you munch during the beer sessions MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag when the chips are gone LAPTOP: Where the grandkids sit KEYBOARD: Where you suppose to put the keys so that Misses can find them SOFTWARE: The plastic picnic utensils, ya? MOUSE: What leaves them little turds in the cupboard PORT: Where do commercial fishing boats dock RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When you can't remember how much you spent so much money on your Guys Only night out, last night.
  7. Life before the computer There was life before the computer An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano ! Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account ! And if you had a broken disk, It would hurt when you found out ! Compress was something you did to garbage Not something you did to a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a while ! Log on was adding wood to a fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your commode ! Cut-you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a spider's home And a virus was the flu ! I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my head I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash But when it happens they wish they were dead !
  8. CHECK YOUR COMPUTER FOR THE FOLLOWING VIRUSES: LEWINSKY VIRUS - sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did. MIKE TYSON VIRUS - quits after one byte OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS - your 300mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100mb and then slowly expands to 200mb. DR. JACK KEVORKAIN VIRUS - deletes all old files. ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS - you can no longer insert disks into your computer. TITANIC VIRUS - your whole computer goes down. DISNEY VIRUS - everything in your computer goes Goofy. PROZAC VIRUS - screws up your ram, but your processor doesn`t care. JOEY BUTTAFUCCO VIRUS - only attacks minor files. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS - terminates some files, leaves, but it`ll be back. LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS - turns your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy. VIAGRA VIRUS - turns your 3.5 inch floppy into a hard drive.
  9. With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following. 1. Viruses replicate quickly. Windows does this. 2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so. Windows does this. 3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk. Windows does this 4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Windows does that too. 5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Same with Windows, yet again. Maybe Windows really is a virus. Nope! There is a difference! Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.
  10. Malwarebytes will take care of spyware too. Your favourite anti-virus+Malwarebytes will take care of your system. So no need to install anti-spyware.
  11. Happy Birthday and many happy returns of the day.
  12. AUSTRALIANS would be forced to install anti-virus and firewall software on their computers before being allowed to .. Link: http://www.news.com.au/technology/no-anti-...0-1225882656490 Link: http://www.smh.com.au/technology/security/...00622-yuf5.html
  13. Sick Notes 1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him. 2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot. 3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33. 4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating. 5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. 8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. 9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. 10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels. 11. Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre, dyrea, direathe), the sh**s. [note: words in ( )'s were crossed out] . 12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak. 13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. 14. Please excuse jimmy for being.It was his father's fault. 15. I kept billie home because she had to go christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear. 16. Please excuse jennifer fo! R missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday. 17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral. 18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines. 19. Ple ase excuse jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. 20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. 21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. 22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor. 23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever,sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
  14. Mother in law We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, I get into the cab . "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!" The cab driver hit a parked car...
  15. SECRET TO A LONG MARRIAGE With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years. The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions." The minister inquired trips to where? "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China." The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?" Ralph: "I'm going to go get her."
  16. MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET Workplace Hazardous Materials Information Sheet Substance: Woman Chemical system: Wo manufacturer: God Typical size: Average weight 115 lbs; specimens can vary from 90-200 lbs. Occurrence: large quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Surface tension
  17. To avoid colon cancer chew tobacco so that you will get oral cancer & the colon will be safe. Add this to the list: IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.
  18. Just uncheck the irrelevant box/boxes before installing. If there is no such choice (by default) then don't download that soft, instead try the competitor's. Software from reputed companies will have the choice.
Back to top
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies - We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.