Stick

Sexual harassment at work-is it a problem for the self-employed? --Victoria Wood Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers? Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell? The Scarecrow got a brain, Tin Man got a heart, Lion got courage, Dorothy got home, what did Toto get? Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower? What are imitation rhinestones? What do batteries run on? What do chickens think we taste like? What do penguins wear for play clothes? What do people in China call their good plates? What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep? What do they call a French kiss in France? What do they call coffee breaks at the Lipton Tea Company? What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it? What do you call a male ladybug? What do you call male ballerinas? What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes? What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane? What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man? What happened to the first 6 UP's? What happens if you get scared half to death, ...twice? --Steven Wright What happens if you go on a survival course - and you don't pass? What happens if you take No-Doze and wash it down with Nyquil? What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours? What happens when none of your bees wax? What happens when you swallow your pride? What if hell really did freeze over? What would we be using instead? What if someone died in the living room? What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about? What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go? What is "Soft Liquor"? What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? What is a refried bean? Why do they have to fry it twice? What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved? What is the diameter of a square? What is the speed of dark? What kind of fruit is in Juicy Fruit gum? What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Whatever happened to preparations A through G? What's the sound a name makes when it's dropped? What's the synonym for thesaurus? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses? When day breaks who fixes it? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go? When night falls who picks it up? When people lose weight, where does it go? When something fades in the sunlight, where did the colors go? When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to? When we say our mind wanders - where does it go? When you put a sheet over your head for Halloween, are you a ghost or a mattress? Where are the germs that cause 'good' breath? Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket? Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary? Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons? Where does the fire go when the fire goes out? Where does the white go when the snow melts? Where does your lap go when you stand up? Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg? Where is Old Zealand? Which is the other side of the street? Who killed the Dead Sea? Who opened that first 'oyster' and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't 'this' look yummy!" Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?" Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat? Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it? Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green? Why are America's parks administered by the Department of the Interior? Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"? Why are highways build so close to the ground? Why are raisins called raisins if they are only dried grapes? Why not just call them dried grapes? Why are some gay people so unhappy? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting? Why are violets blue and not violet? Why are you expected to slow down in a speed zone? Why aren't there ever any guilty bystanders? Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free? Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"? Why can't we tickle ourselves? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why did the pot call the kettle black? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers? --Fred Allen Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? Why do flamingos stand on only one leg? Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight? Why do mattresses have springs, if they aren't made for jumping on? Why do people always remember where they were when someone famous was killed? Do they feel perhaps they'll need an alibi? Why do people go to the unemployment office to find a job? Why do people park in driveways and drive on parkways? --Larry Anderson Why do people tell you when they are speechless? Why do pigs have curly tails? Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child? Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? Why do they call it 'getting your dog fixed' if afterwards it doesn't work anymore? Why do they call it life insurance? Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly? Why do they call the piece of wood a two-by-four if it's only 1 3/4" x 3 1/2"? Why do they call Wednesday hump day, when most people get laid on the weekends? Why do they give you a tape with a VCR to tell you how to use it? Why do they make cars go so fast its illegal? Why do they make scented toilet paper? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why do they report power outages on TV? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up? Why do we call something sent by car a shipment and something sent by ship a cargo? Why do we call them restrooms when no one goes there to rest? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why do we have hot water heaters when hot water doesn't need to be heated? Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong? Why do we need training bras? What can we teach them? Why do we put shirts in a suitcase, and put suits in a garment bag? Why do we say "a pair of pants" when there is only one article of clothing involved? Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there? Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Why do wise guy and wise man mean entirely different things? Why do you feet smell and your nose runs? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic? Why does a dishtowel get wet when it dries? Why does a grapefruit look nothing like a grape? Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice? Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie? Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?" Why don't they just make food stamps edible? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why get even, when you can get odd? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is a boxing ring square? Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? --Amboy Dukes Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? Why is a women's prison called a penal colony? Why is brassiere singular and panties plural? Why is clear considered a color? Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that famous people are always born on holidays? Why is it that night falls but day breaks? Why is it that only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles? Why is it that rain drops but snow falls? Why is it that to stop Windows 95, you have to click on "Start"? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand? --Steven Wright Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary? Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? --Lily Tomlin Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why was Evelyn Wood in such a hurry? You can't have everything. Where would you put it? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

The Centre for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called: W eary O verload R ecreational K iller If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes: W ork I solating N eutralizer E xtract and B othersome E mployer E limination R ebooter Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life. Trusting you will do the right thing. P.S. If you have developed immunity from WINE and BEER, then as a last resort, take: V iral A ntidote for C ontagious A nxiety- T axing I ncessant O verwork N eurosis) for 2 weeks. VACATION

Ok...next time there's an update..and the "Whole Ball of Wax" is changed...at least send an e mail or somthin... I seriously thought I had gone to the wrong site or had been hacked... I'll get used to it though....Looks good

I now have a question pertaining to MBAMB Looking through my files this morning I find: mbam txt 1.50.1.0 mbam dll 1.60.0.23 mbam dll 1.60.0.18 mbam core 1.60.0.52 Are there any of those I don't need...

I call fake....don't see any EMPTY printer cartridige boxes any where ...or it's a magic printer

According to........

My names Stick and I take offense of the STICKMAN drawings.... NAH!!!!! Just kiddin people.....seriously...those are cool..although I coulda done better if my mouse hadn't dragged on my desk

Adding to the above.... Ever watch NCIS....lotta keyboardin goin on there and on most the other police shows... Did you ever notice no matter where they are...whether they're using a laptop or a desk top.. When they type/enter something the keys on the keyboards make loud clicking sounds... Wonder where they got those keyboards...cause mine has never made ANY kind of sound while I'm typing

OK....ran the VERIZON IN HOME AGENT..so at 7:49 CDT in Texas...there have been no popups what so ever..of any kind.. So, thanks for all the suggestions...I'll be a little more precise with any future posts or ramblings.. I think the issue has been fixed... Thank You for suggestions...I will try to remember next time not to have 2 sites tryin to help me fix something...not meant as a Smart A** remark please do not take it that way...Probably spend more time on the page for the jokes n stuff...I gotta million of em...well maybe not a million

Found out that VERIZON has an IN HOME AGENT download..supposed to optimize the router...will run a system check early in the morning..due to the possibility of during the check there may be a possibility of a interruption between the router and the puters in house.. My actual question to MAMB was...all I was asking here was do I have the 1.60 version that has no issues...or do I need to run the mbamclean the re load MBAM I do have my serial number as I have the $$$ version

Witht the the exception that I misread the: sc query state=all>>c:_text.txt and entered it wrong...so I re did it...sent Bleepin a copy n found out the firewall is running fine.. As stated before 3 machines in house none of which only 2 are connected to the Verizon router..1 is running wireless Is it possible that MY cable going to the LAN port IS NOT CAT5 could/would this cause issues???

It's not necessarily that I think I'm infected,after reading about the issues reguarding the MAMB 1.60 I want to make sure I have the correct version. As I posted a screen shot from notepad with the 1.60 version showing...I'm just dbl checking to see if there is the possibility of having to run the MAMB cleaner tool.. I recieved a reply from Bleepin asking me to do this: "Start> All> Programs>Accessories>right click on Command Prompt hit run as admin type in the following sc query state=all>>c:_text.txt Then navigate to C: via my computer then openup sc_txt.txt in notepad(#) and copy and paste the contents in your next post" Please don't get me wrong...I am NOT the most computer savy person in the world.. As I stated on the bleepin site..after reading the posts there and on this site about MBAM 1.60 having issues I am just making sure the version I have DOES NOT have any of the issues I do have a copy of the notepad refering to the issue

Also....these "2012/01/04 08:21:30 -0600 VIGGILANTE HP_Administrator IP-BLOCK 94.100.30.163 (Type: outgoing)??" I know where they came from...I was searching for some pics...and coincedentily I copied 4 of the pics...

peppermint striped candle

The popup is still there....the other post you refer to was last march IIRC...the popup is not during any specific site or any specific time of the day...as I said of the few times I've actually gone to the firewall it was alwasy on and the green button was green...there have been no issues with any viruses or malware being downloaded..it's just an annoying incident....

Dear God: Here is a list I must remember to be a good dog 1.I will not eat the cats food before he eats it,or after he throws up 2.I will not roll on dead seagulls,fish,crabs,etc just because they smell good 3.The litter box is not a cookie jar 4.The sofa is not a face towl 5.The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff 6.I will not play tug of war with dads underwear when he's on the toilet 7.Sticking my nose into someones crotch is unacceptable for saying "HELLO" 8.I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I under the coffee table 9.I must shake the rainwater oyt of my fur before entering the house..not after 10.I will not come in from outside,and immedistely drag my butt across the carpet 11.I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch 12.The cat is not a "squeaky toy"..so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing...

This issue has been resolved...no longer have the issue....reply was not made due to (ahem)someone forgetting their login procedure...musta had a blonde moment...no wait a silver moment....and it only took @ 10 months for ME to get my login right....

The aforementioned screenshot refering to the FIRE WALL Didn't know how to make it bigger......

After reading all the issues with the 1.60 version....which I downloaded @ 3-4 days ago I ran a couple scans today...and these are the results Malwarebytes Anti-Malware (PRO) 1.60.0.1800 www.malwarebytes.org Database version: v2012.01.04.01 Windows XP Service Pack 3 x86 NTFS Internet Explorer 8.0.6001.18702 HP_Administrator :: VIGGILANTE [administrator] Protection: Enabled 1/4/2012 8:49:57 AM mbam-log-2012-01-04 (08-49-57).txt Scan type: Flash scan Scan options enabled: Memory | Startup | Heuristics/Extra | Heuristics/Shuriken | PUP | PUM Scan options disabled: Registry | File System | P2P Objects scanned: 141935 Time elapsed: 2 minute(s), 13 second(s) Memory Processes Detected: 0 (No malicious items detected) Memory Modules Detected: 0 (No malicious items detected) Registry Keys Detected: 0 (No malicious items detected) Registry Values Detected: 0 (No malicious items detected) Registry Data Items Detected: 0 (No malicious items detected) Folders Detected: 0 (No malicious items detected) Files Detected: 0 (No malicious items detected) (end) Then I ran: 2012/01/04 06:53:55 -0600 VIGGILANTE HP_Administrator MESSAGE Starting database refresh 2012/01/04 06:53:55 -0600 VIGGILANTE HP_Administrator MESSAGE Stopping IP protection 2012/01/04 06:54:01 -0600 VIGGILANTE HP_Administrator MESSAGE IP Protection stopped 2012/01/04 06:56:23 -0600 VIGGILANTE HP_Administrator MESSAGE Database refreshed successfully 2012/01/04 06:56:23 -0600 VIGGILANTE HP_Administrator MESSAGE Starting IP protection 2012/01/04 06:56:27 -0600 VIGGILANTE HP_Administrator MESSAGE IP Protection started successfully 2012/01/04 08:21:13 -0600 VIGGILANTE HP_Administrator IP-BLOCK 94.100.30.163 (Type: outgoing)?? 2012/01/04 08:21:16 -0600 VIGGILANTE HP_Administrator IP-BLOCK 94.100.30.163 (Type: outgoing)?? 2012/01/04 08:21:22 -0600 VIGGILANTE HP_Administrator IP-BLOCK 94.100.30.163 (Type: outgoing)?? 2012/01/04 08:21:30 -0600 VIGGILANTE HP_Administrator IP-BLOCK 94.100.30.163 (Type: outgoing)?? I've also benn getting assistance from Bleepin...and have a screen shot of the IP BLOCK Runnin MAMB 1.60 and MSE only...Have 3 puters in the house but none are connected.. Internet Provider VERIZON... Using Windows Firewall...which by the way I get a popup saying my firewall is turned off...which it isn't Even went to MS and sent them a screenshot of that..they more or less said"It's just one of those things" The firewall popup is NOT a constant popup..it does not popup and stay on..and not on any specific site ..I've seen it popup and not be online anywhere Also I are not the most technicall inclined person in the world...

AND...It looks like I need to maybe lern how to speel also....MEMERY???....MEMORY....ahhh there got it right that time.....I think I need another coffee

Having suffered from a massive S T M L and through the kind people who run this place I am forever endebted for the correct way of finding out what my login was.. I did get a "poll" but wasn't sure if I did that right either...So here I am saying "THANKS PEOPLE"...for the jumpstart of the memory cells...

And then there's..... body What Movies Tell Us About Computers Word processors never display a cursor. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences. All monitors display inch-high letters. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don't, have incredibly powerful text-bases command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English. Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS" (see "Fortress"). All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function (see "Demolition Man" and countless others). Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has (Aliens). However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three- dimensional,active animation, photo-realistic graphics capability. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer. Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face (see "Alien", "2001").

I remember there used to be a site called "THE HELL DESK"...FULL of stories like those posted....Pages and pages of them.Anyone know if that sites still around??

FWIW..am running WINDOWS XP OFFICE EDITION w/sp3 all updates are in place..