Have another laugh on me (and my mate Virgil)

[noknojon]

Sorry but the Specialists who operated on me last month found me reasonably fit and healthy yesterday (provided I walk and exercise daily), so it looks like you may need to put up with me for the next few years.. ?

I Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year; not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number ?

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Canada (like the USA) is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. Well, we'll see about that.

Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye.

You're not fat, you're just ... easier to see.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

On average, a Canadian man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

And finally!
The reason 60's Mayberry Town was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Think of this; Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single...... The only married person was Otis, and he was always drunk !!!

[AdvancedSetup]

Some nice ones there John ?