exile360 Posted July 29, 2018 ID:1259679 Share Posted July 29, 2018 Hehe, reminds me of this: And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself. And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil. One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear. And terror possessed me then. And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust." And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared, "Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!" Can I get an amen? Can I get a hallelujah? Thank you Jesus. Link to post
noknojon Posted July 29, 2018 Author ID:1259919 Share Posted July 29, 2018 ? From the man who they said was "straight as a die". He actually has a sense of humor .... ? Thank You exile360, you have permission to use your old Red X avatar for a day Link to post
noknojon Posted July 29, 2018 Author ID:1259926 Share Posted July 29, 2018 (edited) A Quick Carrot Off !!! Q: Did you hear about the carrot detective? A: He got to the root of every case. Q: How can you make a soup rich? A: Add 14 carrots (carats) to it. Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy? A: Because if it was green and round it would want to pea! Q: How do you kill a salad? A: You go for the carrot-id artery. >> To all the people who eat baby carrots, I feel you don't carrot all. Q: What did the carrot say to the vibrator? A: "Why are you shaking? It's me she's going to eat!" Q: When does a carrot wear a mask? A: To the mascarrot ball. (Masquerade) Q: Whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A: A carrot. Q: What's a Vegetable's favourite martial art? A: Carrotee! Q: How do you lead a horse to water? A: With carrots Q: What vegetable are all others afraid of? A: a scarrot. Q: Why did the carrot get an award? A: Because he was out standing in his field Q: Which vegetable betrayed Jesus? A: Judas Is-carrot Q: What did one snowman say to the other? A: Does it smell like carrots? Q: How do you make gold soup? A: Put 24 carrots in it. Q: What did the carrot say to the rabbit? A: Do you want to grab a bite? ? Q: Whats orange and smells of carrots? A: Rabbit puke! Q: What kind of vegetable watches over the elderly? A: The Carrot-aker. Q: What do you call a vegetable with a sense of humor? A: Carrot Top. Q: Why did the Ukrainian turn his carrot around? A: He wanted to start the orange revolution! Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot? A: It's been nice gnawing you. Q: What's a vegetable's favourite casino game? A: Baccarrot! Q: What does the Carrot priest say at church? A: "Lettuce Pray" Q: What is invisible and smells like Carrots? A: Bunny Farts! Q: What's orange and never shuts up? A: A carrot reading the bible! Who's there? Carrot, Carrot who? Do you carrot all about me! I tried to put peas and carrots into a soup to get my children to eat their veggies. They took one sip and said "Do you think were stew peed!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day two carrots, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured carrot called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured carrot was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured carrot, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through." "The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life". --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A carrot, a pickle and a penis were talking about their awful lives. The carrot said my life sucks, when i get big and fat they cut me up and cook me. The pickle said when I get big and fat they cover me in vinegar & throw me in a jar. The penis said, when I get big and fat they pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, damp room and bang my head against the wall till I throw up and pass out! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A stock-boy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any carrots? " The stock-boy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of carrots, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning" The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the carrots are. The stock-boy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of carrots, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning" The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stock-boy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the carrots, I need some carrots right now!" The stock-boy, getting frustrated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answer a couple of questions and I will get you your carrots from the back." The lady agrees and the man starts the questions. "Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stock-boy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. " The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, F*c, as in carrots. " She replies "There is no F**k in carrots?" To which the stock-boy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Doctors Office A guy walks into the doctor's office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly." # Now I most run out because Ron will hit me with a big Carrot Stick .. LATER .. Edited July 29, 2018 by noknojon Link to post
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