You can retire

[gypsygrace]

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where.....

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can retire to California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long

it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

You can retire to New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .....

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus

Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is "nature."

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn.

You can retire to Maine where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for moose.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can retire to the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob , Jimmy Bob , Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

You can retire to Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car ..

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can retire to the Midwest where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at? "

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

AND

You can retire to Florida where..

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

[Popeye]

:lol:

Edit to change smiley.

Edited June 26, 2011 by Popeye

[ShyWriter]

[...]

You can retire to Florida where..

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

6. You get to spend hours on the roads for six months a year while Canadians look for a sandy beach to wear their 1/2 ounce g-string bathing suit over their 230 lb body.

7. You get to listen to tourists bitch about everything; and nothing.

8. It's always better back (wherever they came from)..

9. You can dine when the power goes out simply by basking in the red-lobster glow of those same 230 lb bodies that baked for 6 hours as they fell asleep on the beach.

10.The only relief is laughing your butt off during the summer storms that green your grass while the tourist is being soaked $350/day for his "sunny" vacation that is gray.. and wet.

[gypsygrace]

:(

I sorry

[DarkSnakeKobra]

:(

I took this a bit offensive myself.

[gypsygrace]

I don't mean to offend anyone, Buttons.

Mods can delete if they wish.

[DarkSnakeKobra]

I don't mean to offend anyone, Buttons.

Mods can delete if they wish.

I know you didn't mean to.

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at? "

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

I did find it slightly funny. Live in the Midwest. These things are common here and part of our life style.

[Popeye]

I sorry

I'm sorry gypsygrace. When I posted I thought I hit the :lol: instead I must of hit the :( and didn't see it until today. See what old age does to me. I might need to get my eyes checked for some stronger glasses.

[gypsygrace]

I know you didn't mean to.

I did find it slightly funny. Live in the Midwest. These things are common here and part of our life style.

*sigh of relief, heavy load has been lifted*

I can relate that is why I thought it was funny.

[gypsygrace]

I'm sorry gypsygrace. When I posted I thought I hit the :lol: instead I must of hit the :( and didn't see it until today. See what old age does to me. I might need to get my eyes checked for some stronger glasses.

To be honest, I thought I saw :lol:, until today.

Maybe we both need to go to the eye doc ;-)

[DarkSnakeKobra]

*sigh of relief, heavy load has been lifted*

I can relate that is why I thought it was funny.

Not knowing if the original author has ever been in this area portray us seemed a bit offensive. I can admit that following tractors and all that kinda sucks.

[Popeye]

To be honest, I thought I saw :lol:, until today.

Maybe we both need to go to the eye doc ;-)

I don't think we need a eye doctor. I looked back at some of my old posts and some of my Emoticons have been changed. Might be a bug in the forum.

[Comprev]

@ Popeye

I believe one of your emoticons was an angry face at first:

[Popeye]

As to what's going on with the smilies, I'm going to have to look into that further. Because the posts were actually edited to change the smilie codes (as opposed to the wrong smilies being displayed for specific codes) I'm going to assume for the moment that they were changed when we did the big update from ipb2 to ipb3.

The above quote from the post "Bug in the Forum?". (Honorary Members)

My emoticons and some of the other members emoticons were also change. Comprev if you look back at some of your old posts, maybe some of yours have changed also.

[Drum]

Beats me what is bugging some of the readers gypsygrace, but I loved it and takes a lot to make me laugh.

[Drum]

Beats me what is bugging some of the readers gypsygrace, but I loved it and takes a lot to make me laugh.