Call Center

[Mystery]

Me: “Hi. We are calling from [company]. Would you have some time to take part in a survey about Ireland?”

Customer: “No, I can’t take part. I’m just a burglar here.”

Me: “Oh, okay… we will try again some time.”

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Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [store], my name is Asia. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Asia! Like the country?”

Me: “It’s a continent.”

Customer: “Oh! I never was that good at geometry!”

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Me: “Hello, this is [taxi service]. Can I have your pickup address please?”

Caller: “I don’t know!”

Me: “Well, you will need to tell me some kind of an address.”

Caller: “Why can’t you just ‘GPS’ me?”

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Caller: “Hi, I need help to open my car. The beeper doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay, have you tried to see if the keys work?”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “The car keys. They’re attached to the beeper.”

Caller: “Uh… how do I use them?”

Me: “Just like you would unlock anything that’s closed.”

Caller: “I don’t understand. I need to open the door to my car. How do I use keys to do that?”

Me: “You uh… put the key in the keyhole, turn it around and open the door.”

Caller: *pause* “Oh! Do you mean like the same way you

open the door to a house?”

Me: “Yes, it’s quite similar to that.”

Caller: *very enthusiastic* “Wow, okay! I’ll try that! If that doesn’t work, I’ll call right back!”

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Me: “Good afternoon, thank you for calling [vitamin company]. This is [MyName]. How may I direct your call?” *long pause* “Hello?” *another long pause* “Hello?”

Caller: “Hi, I got your number from a natural cure. ”

Me: “How may I direct your call, sir?”

Caller: “I was reading a book.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “It had your number. Are you a vitamin store? With…vitamins and things?”

Me: “We are a vitamin manufacturer, sir. Do you have a question about a product?”

Caller: “I got your number from a natural cure book. Have you read it?”

Me: “What book, sir?”

Caller: “A natural cures book.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I have not. Did you have a question about a product that we manufacture?”

Caller: “Yeah, I got your number out of a natural cures book.”

Me: “Yes, there are a number of books that mention our products.”

Caller: *pauses* “…It was a BOOK.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I’m just trying to determine who can best assist you.”

Caller: *pauses again* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOK…”

Me: “Let me connect you with customer service, sir…”

[Mystery]

Me: “9-1-1, police, fire, or ambulance?”

Caller: “Help, please God, help!”

Me: “Sir, what’s the emergency?”

Caller: “Someone’s trying to break into my house! Please, send the cops!”

Me: “Calm down… the police are well on the way as we are talking.”

Caller: “I don’t want to die! Oh my God, why me?”

Me: “Sir, take a deep breath. Do you know this person?”

Caller: “Yeah, I ordered some pizza, I paid, and he gave it to me. I can see through the window it’s him… he’s pounding on my door trying to get in! Where are the cops?!”

Me: “Sir, I’ll stay on the phone with you if it makes you feel safer. Can you yell what he wants?”

Caller: “Okay…” *yells toward the door* “What do you want, man?!”

Pizza guy: *faintly, behind the door* “You forgot your change!”

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Me: Thank you for calling ***, X speaking how may I…

Client: *thick accent* “Yes, hello? Are you there?”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: “I just tried purchase insurance.”

Me: “Ok?”

Caller: “It said error.”

Me: “Ok, what else does it say?”

Caller: “Just error.”

Me: “Well, that can be anything. Normally it says more specific details. Is there anything else it says?”

Caller: “I think it has something to do with the beneficiary part.”

Me: “You mean for the life insurance portion?”

Caller: “Yes. I put myself as the beneficiary for my policy, isn’t that what I’m supposed to put?”

Me: “So, you put yourself as the person who receives the money if you die?”

Caller: “Yes. Isn’t that right?”

Me: *facepalm*

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Me: “Thank you for calling. May I please verify your address and phone number?”

(The caller rattles off an address, including the apartment number.)

Caller: “… that’s why I’m calling. What’s this about a ‘dog’ in my address?”

(I notice her address has the words “DASIN DOG”.)

Me: ”I’m sorry, ma’am. I have no explanation for that. I can certainly remove it. Also, we don’t seem to have your apartment number. Would you mind repeating that for me?”

Caller: “D! D as in Dog!”

[Bobc11]