malbytes24
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Posts posted by malbytes24
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4 hours ago, MrMeow said:
Every 10 minutes or so I will get a pop up in the corner saying "site blocked" even if nothing is running, and I go into the reports section and there a ton of Outbound Connection Threats the are all blocked I just want to know how to stop it or if something is wrong.
Run a threat scan to make sure if there's any malware causing problems.
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On 9/1/2015 at 6:36 AM, Firefox said:
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I've got two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal -- both serving overseas somewhere. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way... He orders three mugs, and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though..."
Magnificent joke!
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On 9/11/2015 at 11:47 PM, sman said:
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus!
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone?
iCame, iSaw, iConquered, iLeft, iCameBack, iThinkDifferent, iMac, iPod, iTunes, iPhone, iPad, iCloud, iRIP
Why do Java developers wear glasses?
Because they don't C#.
What do you call a computer that sings?
A-Dell
Where did the computer go to dance?
To a disc-o.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
The Space bar!
What did the dentist say to the computer?
This won't hurt a byte.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat?
A Macintosh.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes?
She sticks it in the microwave!
How do you know if a blonde has been using a computer?
There's whiteout on the screen.
What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer?
The Netcracker suite.
Why won't blondes take their iPhones to the bathroom?
Because they don't want to give away their IP address!
What part of a computer does a spider use?
The webcam.
What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
He enters Nerdvana.
What was the spider doing on the computer?
Searching the web!
What do you get when you cross a hamburger with a computer?
A big mac!
How are elephants and computers similar?
They both have big memories.
Why are PCs like air conditioners?
They stop working properly if you open Windows!
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
What was the hipster doing at the computer?
Looking in the recycling bin for something retro.
Why did the computer break up with the internet?
There was no "Connection".
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous
What's the difference between an Linux and a virus?
A virus does something.
How do you know you are using Linux?
Your computer only has 4 modes: Abort, Retry, Fail and Reboot!
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness as the new industry standard.
What do you call an egg who is on the computer too much?
An "Egg Head"
What's the difference between a virus and Windows Vista?
Viruses rarely fail.
"When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi hotspot......that way people visit more often."
Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?
Yo momma so fat and dumb, she tears apart computers looking for cookies.
SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
I mustache you a question, can eyebrows your computer?
"Do you like computers?" (yes.)
"Do you like file sharing?" (yes)
"Good, 'cause I'm downloadable and user friendly!"
Macs are for those who don't want to know why their computer works.
Linux is for those who want to know why their computer works.
DOS is for those who want to know why their computer doesn't work.
Windows is for those who don't want to know why their computer doesn't work.
Wife or Girlfriend A physicist, a mathematician and a computer programmer
discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend.
The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment."
The mathematician: "A wife. You have security."
The computer programmer: "Both. When I'm not with my wife,
she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's
vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."
Computer Definitions
1) 486 The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
2) State-of-the-art Any computer you can't afford.
3) Obsolete Any computer you own.
4) Microsecond The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
Virus?
No, Windows is not a virus.
Here's what viruses do: They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay,
Windows does that too.
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable
programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2)
and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems,
their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become
more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus.
It's a bugGood job
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On 11/15/2014 at 10:28 PM, noknojon said:
I tried to catch some fog - But I mist
When pharmacists die, they barium
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray, is now a seasoned veteran.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.
How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went . Then it dawned on me.
A girl said she recognised me from the Vegetarian Club. But I'd never met herbevore.
I'm reading a book about Anti-Gravity ........ I can't put it down.
I did a thearatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.
They told me I had Type A blood, but it was a TypeO.
(For the ladies) PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.
Why were the American Indians there first ? They had Reservations.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
How do you make Holy Water ? Boil the Hell out of it.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary ? A thesaurus.
What does a clock do when it is hungry ? It goes back four seconds.
Broken pencils are pointless .............I tried so hard not to laugh, but i laughed so hard i couldn't stop.
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I had to read it twice to get it.
Twas funny.
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On 5/21/2014 at 10:50 AM, Call_me_Metal said:
So bad...
you didn't get it
The wife IS the headache.
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On 7/13/2015 at 10:33 PM, noknojon said:
My turn to update this with a few "outdated" one-liners ..
Warning : Side effects may include:
Depression, weight gain and loss of sex drive.
Ask your Doctor if marriage is right for you.I asked my landlord how could I stop water coming into the apartment.
His advice "Don't pay the bill"Just because I don't like soap, there's no need to rub it in my face!
Q. How can you tell the sex of an ant?
A. Drop it in water. If it sinks it's a girl ant. If it floats it's a boy ant.:(Buoyant!)I have decided to sell my old vacuum cleaner, it's just collecting dust
I dunno if it's worth it man, your vacuum kinda sucks.We hired an Eastern European to clean our very small house. It took six hours just for her to Hoover the kitchen.
Turns out she's a Slovak.Rapper 50 cent files for bankruptcy has to change name to 0 cents
More money than sense (cents) ??
A bit self - 'cent'red !
If he were British, would his name be 50p ?How do you make a cat go woof ??
Pour petrol over it and set it alight. Woof
How do you make a dog meow ????
Freeze it and put it on a band saw ..... MMEEOOOOWW!!Knock knock:
Who's there ?
Britney Spears
Britney Spears who ?
So you've forgotten me already ?An American friend of mine was boasting "I once killed a bear with a single punch"
I objected with "A koala isn't a bear!"You can tell from these that I am not feeling too good lately, so I wanted to keep posting (might give up smoking cigars)
Don't read the ones that you do not like, and donations are taken for any good ones -
What's that, you took my PayPal button away
Later friends -
laughed so hard. nice jokes
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On 9/9/2015 at 2:31 PM, sman said:
Link removed. [AdvancedSetup]
You need to click on the "More Reply Options"
Then click to upload a file and browse to your image and select it and upload it as an attachment.
Then with it being attached here it should work as an image.
pfff, Funny.
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You know what's the problem if apple made their own brand of vacuums,
They don't suck.
Get it? Because vacuums are suppose to suck.
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On 5/21/2015 at 2:47 PM, tjpc3 said:
Why do Java developers wear glasses?
Because they can't C#!
Unfunny.
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On 6/26/2015 at 0:13 PM, JGamez said:
Title says all! i/qGCLuYc make this your name in order to play as the Bane of Malware
A youtube video on this will be out soon too!
Not funny. Get out.
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On 2/8/2017 at 10:09 PM, sman said:
On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
Not funny. Try again.
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On 1/8/2016 at 1:45 PM, noknojon said:
1. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things, literally.
Hidden Content
2. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Hidden Content
3. Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks “Do all of you want a drink?” The first logician says “I don’t know.” The second logician says “I don’t know.” The third logician says “Yes!” (easy solved)
Hidden Content
4. Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. It’s Einstein’s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.
Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!”
Newton smiles and says “You didn’t find me, you found Pascal!”Hidden Content
5. How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
Hidden Content
6. 10. The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
“Why did you buy 12 loaves of bread!?”, his wife screamed. Reply “Because they had eggs!”.......... Explains itself..........7. Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar. ... And doesn’t. If you are very smart you do not need to read the spoiler ..
Hidden Content
I got pages of them, but Ron groans and Gonzo will not post any of his ........
i only got this one: " 4. Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. It’s Einstein’s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.
Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!”
Newton smiles and says “You didn’t find me, you found Pascal!” "the rest i didn't get how the jokes would work. the one i got is because it tells me how the pun works.
7. is confusing, How the censored is radiation funny?
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Okay, so here how it goes.
You open up a file called GETREKT.exe
it asks if you can run it with administrator permissions
You click yes
Then the program asks "Are you sure you want to censored your PC up?"
You click yes out of pure curiousity.
THEN THE PROGRAM DISABLES YOUR ANTIVIRUS and a "GETREKT" popup appears multiple times,
Then the program infects your entire C: drive and wipes your harddrive then leaves a message upon reboot "UNABLE TO BOOT, GET REKT"
"HAHA YOU IDIOT, YOU LET YOUR COMPUTER GET REKT, now go outside and get a life you fatass"
Yeah it failed ultimately, was trying to make it sound like a hilarious joke program.
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Just now, aindriu80 said:
i cant run a threat scan because your staff told me to disable my 14 day trial which disabled the trail permanently
Threat scan is for both free and premium users.
You should have never disabled your 14 day trial.
cuz then u get no automatic quarantine.
Now as i said before, launch a threat scan, and do it at least daily.
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2 minutes ago, aindriu80 said:
Hi,
When i installed Malwarebytes Premium trial i got the following error :
This site can’t be reached
eu.iqoption.com’s server DNS address could not be found.
DNS_PROBE_FINISHED_NXDOMAINI have excluded both the website and the Windows app in the exclusion list in settings but its not working
I disabled the Trial under "My Account", which disabled the Web Protection module and the site works now but this is a fault with Malwarebytes Premium softwaar
You should run a threat scan with malwarebytes, Maybe its malware messing with ur dns.
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On 2/10/2017 at 11:10 AM, celee said:
Hi @malbytes24, which version of 3.0 are you on? Have you upgraded to 3.0.6: https://forums.malwarebytes.com/topic/195049-malwarebytes-306-released/ ?
the latest one as of now,
my OS is Windows 10.
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On 12/14/2016 at 8:19 AM, JoelS said:
I was browsing what appeared to be a legitimate site using Android 6,01, Chrome 54.0.2480.85. The phone has Malwarebytes, Kaspersky, and CCCleaner. Popups are blocked in Chrome. Java is enabled. I do not download any software except that arriving by system notification (and of course, MB, Kasp, and CCC). There aren't any apps listed that don't seem to be legit.
A popup appeared saying "Your device is heavily infected" etc. Scans by MBytes and Kaspersky were negative. I flushed the cache to make sure not to visit the site again. So far, no more popups.
What mechanism was likely used for this attack? Is there any additional software that might help block or detect such attacks?
Thank you.
if a popup says your device is heavily infected and its not from your antivirus or antimalware, ignore it,its a scam.
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everytime i run malwarebytes and use it to scan for threats, my computer starts leaking memory(even when i close malwarebytes or end the task)
how do i fix this?
Adwcleaner wont work
in Malwarebytes AdwCleaner
Posted
so i got the adwcleaner from the site but apparently when i tried to launch the installer it wouldn't work but it would be running in the background.
i needed the program to get rid of PUP.Optional.Spigot but malwarebytes wouldn't remove it.