Drunk Sermon

[gypsygrace]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the

pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and

took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:

Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples, not 10.

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.

When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

We do not refer to the cross as the big T!

When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say ,"Eat me."

The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the "Mary with the cherry."

The recommended grace before a meal is not:"Rub-Adub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."

Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Hoping this doesn't offend anyone.

[Comprev]

[DarkSnakeKobra]

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.

Almost fell out of my chair.

[Popeye]

Now you got me in trouble gypsygrace. My wife was trying to watch TV and wanted to know what the heck was so funny on the computer that I was laughing so loud.