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Ireland v Iraq

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Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hello Mr Hussein" a heavily accented voice said . "This is Paddy down at the Harp Bar in County Sligo Ireland.

I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you".

"Well Paddy" Saddem replied. "This is indeed important news! How big is your army".

"Right now" said Paddy. After a moment`s calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour

Seamus and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight".

Saddam paused "I must tell you Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.

"Begorrah" said Paddy. "I`ll have to ring you back".

Sure enough, the next day Paddy called again " Mr Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some

infantry equipment".

"And what equipment would that be Paddy" Saddam asked.

"Well we have two combines, a bulldozer and Murphy`s farm tractor".

Saddam sighed, " I must tell you Paddy that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also I`ve increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke".

"Saints preserve us" said Paddy "I`ll have to get back to you".

Sure enough Paddy rang again the next day "Mr Hussein the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airbourne ! We`ve modified Harrigans ultra light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock pub have joined us as well".

Saddam was silent for a moment and then cleared his throat "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes".

"My military complex is surrounded by laser guided, surface to air missile sites and since we last spoke I`ve increased my army to two million2.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph" said Paddy "I`ll have to ring you back".

Sure enough Paddy called again the next day "Top o` the mornin` Mr Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war".

"I`m sorry to hear that" said Saddem, "Why the sudden change of heart".

"Well" said Paddy "we`ve all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided that there is no way we can feed two million prisoners"


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