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There are three signs of old age. The first is loss of memory. I forgot the other two.

I'm Retired. I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today.

When I was younger, all I wanted was a nice BMW. Now, I don't care about the W.

I'm in the initial stages of my golden years. SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP...

When I was in the military, the motivational phrase was "Death before dishonor"...now it's Adventure before dementia!

We got married for better or worse. She couldn't do better, and I couldn't do any worse.

Old People Rock.

At my age...everything I buy comes with a lifetime guarantee!

Don't worry about tomorrow! After all, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

The shortest sentence is "I am." The longest is "I do."

You know why old men wear their pants so high? You'll find out!

With age comes wisdom...and discounts.

I was always taught to respect my elders. Now I don't have anyone to respect anymore.

I asked my wife if old men wear boxers or briefs? She said "Depends".

I'm so old...I don't buy green bananas.

Goodbye tension! Hello pension.

It's nice to be here. At my age, it's nice to be anywhere.

That Snap Crackle and Pop in the morning?...well, it ain't my freaking Rice Krispies!

You know you're getting old when...you throw a wild party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

Some days I wake up grumpy...and some days, I just let her sleep.

Senior Campbell's Soup label:

"New LARGE TYPE Alphabet Soup"

The secret to staying young is to live honestly...eat slowly, and lie about your age."

Quit worrying about your health...It'll go away.

I must be getting older...All the names in my phone book end with M.D.

I'm not old. I'm Chronologically Gifted.

Retirement is the best medicine.


God's Waiting Room

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

At my age...Flowers scare me!

I'm so old that whenever I eat out, they ask me for money up front.

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ROTF lmfao - I especially loved

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- I literally fell out of my chair laughing.

(no, I didn't fall out of my rocker - I'm only about 20 years older than Marcin, not 40!)

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