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Warning...blond joke!

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A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary

wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blond mortician asks the deceased's wife how

she would like the body dressed. She points out that the

man does look good in the black suit he is already


The widow, however, says that she always thought her

husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him

in a blue suit. She gives the Blond mortician a blank

check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please

have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her

delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous

blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him


She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very

satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very

grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment,

the blond mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that

exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blond says, 'it cost nothing.

You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's

size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday,

and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his

wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a

black suit instead, and she said it made no difference

as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

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This old man owns a large piece of property in the woods that he visits regularly. On the lower 40, he has a large pond...he goes fishing there on occasion.

One morning he pulls the truck along side the road, get's out with his bagged lunch and starts out on his way to the pond to just look things over and see if he might want to drop in a line. He leaves the tackle in the truck and just takes his lunch bag with him.

On approach, he hears laughter and giggles coming from the area of the pond. Looking around he notices a car that had pulled off the road on the other side of the pond. When he makes his way through the brush there he sees three gorgeous young women all skinny dipping in his pond. He says "Good Morning ladies" and they start right off telling him "Look Mr. there's no way you're going to see us naked" so they insisted on staying under the water until he leaves.

He says back to them..."I have no intention of telling you ladies to get out of the pond just so I can see you naked. It's your life...you can do whatever you want.

I'm just here to feed the alligators."

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Two blondes are walking in the woods when they come across some tracks. One blonde tells the other "I know these tracks. My daddy showed me these when I was young. They are bear tracks". The other blonde says "No they aren't. I know these tracks. My daddy showed me these when I was young. They are deer tracks". The two blondes stand there arguing until they are hit by a train.

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