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Thoughtful Scottish husband

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Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was heading out to the pub? He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, Sheila - put your hat and coat on, lassie.'

She replied, ' Awe, John, that's nice - are yee taking me tae the pub with you?'

'Nay', John replied, 'I'm switching the heat off while I'm out.'

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A Scotsman and his lass where sitting in a pub having a we pint together while listening to a football match and she complained her hands were getting cold so he said "Stick 'em under me kilt tae warm a bit."

She said "I kain't!

He asked "Whay not?"

She said "I'm afraid it might look gruesome."

He said "Reach higher and it might gruesome more!"

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