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Three citizens of the former Soviet Eastern Bloc - a Pole, a Czech, and a Jew - were accused of spying and were sentenced to death. Each man was granted one last wish.

"I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Pilsudski," said the Pole.

"I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Masaryk," said the Czech.

"And I," said the Jew, "want my ashes scattered over the grave of Comrade Kosygin."

"But that's impossible," he was told. "Kosygin isn't dead yet."

"Fine," said the Jew. "I can wait."

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Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink.

They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.

"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor.

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.

"Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us."

The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar,

"You did say two pints, didn't you?"

"That's right," he called back, "two pints."

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'So tell me, Mrs. Smith,' asked the interviewer, 'have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?'

'Actually, yes,' said the applicant modestly. 'Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel.'

'Very impressive,' he commented, 'but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours.'

Mrs. Smith explained brightly, 'Oh, that was during office hours.'

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  • 3 weeks later...

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