Mainly rotten jokes..

[jonoknojon]

http://www.windows93.net/
A small Snow Flakes program for you to run in the background 😍

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it ! 😎

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!"
I've sent her my ironing. That'll keep her busy!

The wife's been hinting she wants something black and lacy for her birthday.
So I've got her a pair of football boots!

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm!

Anyone got an owner's manual for a wife? Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!

My wife apologized for the first time ever today............. She said she's sorry she ever married me!

My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side,
so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason!

Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.
It's called wedding cake!

Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her makeup!

My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her.
I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface!

[jonoknojon]

THIS IS INCREDIBLE..... Read all the Numbers... Slowly and in Order!!
Be Careful not to MISS ANY
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Finished?  🤔

Scroll down .......................

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GOOD ! TOMORROW I'LL SEND YOU THE ABC's !
It takes so little to amuse old people... Have a great day !  🔰

[jonoknojon]

Texas Sheriff's Exam...

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman.

He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.

When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.

After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview.

The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good..

But we have, what you might call, an "Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted.

We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."

Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said,

"Take this pistol and go out and shoot: :six illegal aliens, six ambulance-chasing lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six Democrats,
and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.

"You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"

........................  I LOVE TEXAS! ..................  ❤️

[jonoknojon]

Paddy was celebrating till he had more than enough ................

Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'..

Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.. He falls flat on his face.
'Sho*te' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again,
'Sho*te, Sho*te !'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

'Bi' Jesus... I'm fog*in'' fog*ed,' he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door.

Hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside..
He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No f.in Way.

So he crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'.
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'f... it again and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says,
"Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?"

Paddy says, "I did, Jess. I was f.in' hissed, but how did you know?'
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'Mick phoned !! .. . . You left your wheelchair at the pub.'

[jonoknojon]

Now I understand what these things are for .......

[David H. Lipman]

[mountaintree16]

😂🤣😂

lololol