A few (new and old) for our golfers

[noknojon]

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!
"Help me, dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picksup his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.

"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
______________________________

A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course.

What's your secret?"

Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered."
___________________________

A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3, the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"

The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down."
___________________________

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?" "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
"I don't know -- put me down for five."
___________________________

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through

Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"

The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?
___________________________

The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?

[jadinolf]

Thanks for this.

Hope you don't mind but I borrowed them. ?

[noknojon]

On 7/26/2018 at 11:10 AM, jadinolf said:

Thanks for this.

Hope you don't mind but I borrowed them. ?

How do you think I get these ..

I have a Mate  in Texas (I think) called Virgil, he feeds Facebook areas where we both are members..

These are only the "clean" ones.. Some can get a bit risque. ?

[jadinolf]

11 hours ago, noknojon said:

How do you think I get these ..

I have a Mate  in Texas (I think) called Virgil, he feeds Facebook areas where we both are members..

These are only the "clean" ones.. Some can get a bit risque. ?

I posted yours on My Digital Life Forums.

Many of their posts are VERY risque.

Edited July 28, 2018 by jadinolf
typing error

[noknojon]

8 hours ago, jadinolf said:

I posted yours on My Digital Life Forums.

Many of their posts are VERY risque.

I may PM you with a few of the heavier (not too 'dirty') ones later..

Not on the forum, as Ron will ban me for a week or more. Going to hospital early August, so it gives me a chance to "review" a few more..

Regards John..

Edited July 29, 2018 by noknojon
Post was incomplete.

[jadinolf]

1 hour ago, noknojon said:

I may PM you with a few of the heavier (not too 'dirty') ones later..

Not on the forum, as Ron will ban me for a week or more. Going to hospital early August, so it gives me a chance to "review" a few more..

Regards John..

O.K. John

Name here is Joe