Starting to run low on jokes I can tell...

[gonzo]

It's time to elect the world leader, and your vote counts. Here's the facts about the three leading candidates.

• Candidate A...Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
• Candidate B...He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
• Candidate C...He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extra-marital affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice??

 

 

 

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt (FDR).

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolf Hitler.

[adrianade]

b

[Phillyt]

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages

[Phillyt]

IUKB ERROR

IDIOT USING KEYBORD
IBM 
I BLAME MICROSOFT

IDIOTS BUY ME
IDIOTS BUILDING MACHINES
I'LL BUY MACINTOSHES

IT BIT ME

IT BUILT MICROSOFT

IT'S BETTER MANUALLY

I'VE BEEN MISLED 
I'VE BEEN MUGGED

WINDOWS  

WELL IT NEVER DOES OPERATE WITH SPEED
WHEN I NEED DATA  OUTPUT WITHOUT SPEED
WHILE IDLE,NEEDS DX OR WORKSTATION
WILL INSATLL NEEDLESS DATA ON WHOLE SYSTEM
WIN  

WHOPPINGLY IMMENSE NOP
WORN INFESTATION NETWARE

MS-WINDOWS NT/WIDOWS NT

MY SOLITAIRE WITH ITS NEW DE ACCELERATOR,ONLY WITH SOME NETWORK TECHNOLOGY
WELL INTENDED NETWORK DE ACCELERATOR,ONLY WORKS SOMETIMES NEVER TOTALL

WINDOWS (AS A ) NETWORK TROJAN

DIFFERENT OPERATING SYSTEM EXPECTIONS
  
MACINTOSH:WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET

MS-DOS:YOU ASKED FOR IT YOU GOT IT

UNIX:IFUH2SK UDNTWNT2KNO

VMS:YOU GOT IT,ALL OF IT,WANT IT OR NOT

RANDOM ABBREVIATIONS FOR MANY COMPUTER COMPANIES
APPLE:
ARROGANCE PRODUCES PROFIT-LOSING ENTITY
DEC:
DUMP EVERYTHING AND CLOSE

DEC:
DO EXPECT CUTS

HCL:
HILARIOUS COMPUTER LOGIC

HP:
HOT PURSUIT

IBM:
I BLAME MICROSOFT 

MAC:
MOST ABSURD COMPUTER
MACINTOSH: 
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs 

MACINTOSH:
MOST APPLICATIONS CRASH;IF NOT THE OPERATING SYSTEM HANGS

MICROSOFT:
MOST INTELLIGENT CUSTOMERS REALIZE OUR SOFTWARE ONLY FOOLS TEENAGERS

NEXT:
NOW EXCHANGE FOR TEARS

OS/2
OBSOLETE SOON TOO 

WARP:
WHAT A RAT PROGRAM

ACRONYMS FOR OTHER COMPUTER TERMS

AMIGA:
A MERELY INSIGNIFICANT GAME ADDICTION
B
BASIC:
BILLS ATTEMPT TO SEIZE INDUSTRY CONTROL

CD-ROM:
CUSTOMER DIVICE,RENDERED OBSOLETE IN MONTHS

COBOL:
COMPLETELY OBSOLETE BUSINESS ORIENTED LANGUAGE

DOS:
DEFECTIVE OPERATING SYSTEM

I
ISDN:
IT STILL DOES NOTHING

LISP:
LOTS OF INFURITIATING AND SILLY PARENTHESIS

MIPS:|MEANINGLESS INDICATION OF PROCESSOR SPEED


PCMCIA:
PEOPLE CAN'T MEMORIZE COMPUTER INDUSTRY ACRONYMS 

PENTIUM:
PRODUCES ERRONEOUS NUMBERS THROUGH INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING OF MATHMATICS

SCSI:
SYSTEM CAN'T SEE  IT

WWW:
WORLD WIDE WAIT