Okay, I don't know if it's just dumb luck or what, but the malware's gone now?
FRST always seemed to stop prematurely for some reason so I tried a couple more times without much change.
I tried running the ESET scanner, but it closed every time before I even got to the terms of use, then refused to even run.
I scanned once more on Malwarebytes and only 2 malware appeared this time before the scan finished and immediately rebooted my computer.
Scanned again just to make sure, and voila, no detections.
Should I be worried or relieved?
MWB report.txt