UPDATE:
After nuking chrome again, it appears that Fastsearch is no more! I must've missed something the first time around. This time I also ended any and all Google processes running in the background.
Steps:
1. Close chrome and force quit chromium and chrome/google processes in Activity Monitor. 2. Completely Erase all of these files and folders (thanks treed for this info):
/Applications/Chrome.app
/Library/Application Support/Google/
/Library/Google/
~/Library/Application Support/Google/
~/Library/Google/
~/Library/Preferences/com.google.Chrome.plist
3. Restart computer.
4. Download and reinstall fresh Chrome.
5. Profit. RIP Fastsearch.
Hope this helps, guys. I'm going to add this to my original post. Thanks for all your suggestions.