This is my favorite one. Caller: “I am a year behind on the current week. How do I close the week?” Me: “I can help you with that. You go to ‘File’, then ‘Close current week’.” Caller: “I don’t have ‘File’.” Me: “Hmm…then you must not have access to this function. Can you log in as the supervisor?” Caller: “I am logged in as the supervisor.” Me: “You’re sure you don’t have ‘File’? It should be listed at the top right.” Caller: “Let me tell you what have. I have ‘File’, ‘View’, ‘Employee’, ‘Period’-” Me: “That’s it there. Please choose ‘File’.” Caller: “I don’t have ‘File’.” Me: “But, you just said you had ‘File’.” Caller: “No, it’s not there.” Me: “Please call out what you have again at the top.” Caller: “I have ‘File’, ‘View’, ‘Emplo’-” Me: “That’s it. You have ‘File’. Please choose ‘File’ from the top left.” Caller: *frustrated* “But, I don’t have ‘File’! I already told you!” Me: *clears throat* “Please read out what you have again. Very…slowly.” Caller: “Okay. I have ‘File’, Vi-” Me: “Stop there, please. What was that?” Caller: “I have Fi-” Me: “You have ‘File’?” Caller: “I have ‘File’.” (I pause, hoping this allows the caller to get it.) Caller: “Oh, you mean THIS ‘File’!” Me: *cheerily* “Yes!” Caller: “I click on this one?” Me: “Yes, please.” Caller: “Oh, that’s the one! Thank you so much!”